A year went by?

I was just gonna lay down and take a nap!

Signs You May Be Too Wealthy

- You don't have to reserve a flight because you own the airport. - When you empty your pockets, you stuff your spare hundred dollar bills in a jar. Then you throw the rest of your change in the trash. - You have the Federal Reserve Bank on speed dial. - You own several paintings in the Louvre. - You own the Louvre. - Your satellite TV package includes channels from outside our solar system. - You're considering buying Australia for your kids to play in. - You decide against it, because when you bought them Greenland last year they got bored.

Just wondering...

- Is a civil war really all that "civil?" - How come whenever they build a Xerox building an identical building appears right next to it? - If the guy next you were on fire, would you criticize him for smoking? - Can you make the bed with an Excel spreadsheet? - Why can a golfer carry fourteen clubs when a baseball player is only allowed to use one? - How come people whose lucky number is "three" only buy one Lotto ticket? - If a million people bought a song but never listened to it, would it still be a hit song? - Can you mail a silent letter?

Thinking of you, dad.

Don - November 12, 1925 - July 16, 2004

Study Show Txt Msgng Keepps Pepl Frromm Spelingg Ritte

About the proposed new U.S. off-shore oil drilling...

Q) Does anybody else know that nobody knows if there's any oil or natural gas in these spots to begin with? Q) Does anybody else know that if there is oil, it would take between eight and fourteen years before it is produced? Q) Does anybody else know that if the proposed off-shore new oil drilling produces oil and natural gas, all of that new product would account for only less than one percent of the total world oil production? Q) Does anybody else know this???!!!

Just wondering...

- If every one of the billion people in India jumped up in the air at the same time, would the Earth be knocked out of orbit when they landed? - What letter comes after Z? - If you spell out any number when you write it, like seven, for instance, is it still a number? Or is it just a word? - What do coal miners wear on casual Friday? - Right next to the Mayo Clinics, why not open the Miracle Whip clinics as an alternate source of medicine? - Way back when the world was flat, did anybody ever fall off? - Has anything ever grossed out a dog? - What part of George Washington was the Washington Monument supposed to look like?

From Craig Ferguson (The Late, Late Show - CBS)

"What does a Scottish man wear under his kilt?" "On a good day, lipstick."

Somewhere in the world today...

- A child spoke its first words to its parents. - A generous person helped others in need. - A golfer wrote a 5 on his scorecard when he really got a 7. - A dog lifted his leg on his owner's best pair of pants. - A man tried to spit out the car window, but forgot the window was closed.

Talking Guy With Bluetooth Headset Not Really Talking On Phone

Voices. It's the voices again.

Recipe: Bachelor's Salad

This is a quick and easy recipe for any guy on the go. Ahem... Here it is: Standing by the kitchen sink, set one small, round head of lettuce on a relatively clean area. Get a bottle of salad dressing out of the refrigerator. Open it. Hold the salad dressing in your right hand. Pick up the head of lettuce with your left hand. Pour a few drops of dressing over the top of the head of lettuce. Bring the lettuce to you your mouth and take a chomp out of it, making sure you get both lettuce and dressing in your mouth. Let any runoff drip into the sink. Repeat the pouring and chomping process until you've had enough. Put the lettuce and dressing back into the refrigerator and rinse the sink. That's all there is to it. Feel free to share this recipe with your friends!

Supreme Court: 'Loaded Grenade Launchers OK for U.S Citizens'

Writing for the majority, Justice Antonin Scalia said, "It is easier and quicker for people confronting strangers in their homes to operate a grenade launcher with their arms while dialing 911 with their big toe than to simply dial 911." Writing for the minority, Justice Steven Breyer scribbled something about the U.S. going to hell in a hand-basket.

Non-Celebrity Turned Away from Los Angeles Rehab Center

Dick Cheney still seems to be missing...

(If you see him, tell him to call home.)

CBS Nixes "Survivor: The Hamptons" Idea

Explorers Discover Job Opening In Michigan

(Rumored job opening in Ohio proven to be a hoax.)

West African Talking Drum Begs, "Stop hitting me!"

It could happen...

"Why are you crouching on the floor?" "Because the sign by the pillows says 'Duck Down.'"

A Great TV Ad Campaign

The E-Trade baby campaign is brilliant... How important is good copywriting? Play the ads with the sound turned off. Bleaahhh! It's the writing that makes a good advertisement great.

The Differences Between Men and Women In Pictures

Nice Words

The nicest sentence in the English language may be: "I'm content."

Economists Baffled As Stock Market Closes Day Sideways

Wall Street analyst: "This is totally going to ruin all our graphs."

Pedophile Priest Tried In Court As White Collar Criminal

Victims want to string a tie around his neck.

Question:

Has anybody seen Dick Cheney lately? Just wondering.

What you did in the bar last night when you got too drunk...

-Told a girl you'd give her a free table dance. Found out she was actually a biker guy with long hair when he picked up the table and threw it at you. -Ate all the food at the free buffet. Found out you actually ate all the bartender's martini olives from his dish when you immediately had to sprint to the bathroom. - While you were in the bathroom, wondered why there were no urinals. So you asked the screaming lady coming out of the stall. -Forgot all your good pickup lines. May have asked pretty girl to come home with you so you could "show her your itchings." -Told a girl with a really big nose that the surgery will look great when the swelling goes down. -Loaned a guy the keys to your car to go get some beer. -Realized the guy may have lied to about the beer because you were already in a bar, but mostly because your car was gone when tried to leave.