Puns. Bad Ones...

OK. These are just ... bad. But puns are supposed to be bad. So, they're doing their job. These are from sillypuns.com... Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, "Did you get my drift?" Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers. When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?" A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication. Show me where Stalin's buried and I'll show you a communist plot. When she told me I was average, she was just being mean. A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!" This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill." A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw." A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge." A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?" A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop." A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?" Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Get out! We don't want your type in here" Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.