It could happen...

"Why are you crouching on the floor?" "Because the sign by the pillows says 'Duck Down.'"

A Great TV Ad Campaign

The E-Trade baby campaign is brilliant... How important is good copywriting? Play the ads with the sound turned off. Bleaahhh! It's the writing that makes a good advertisement great.

The Differences Between Men and Women In Pictures

Nice Words

The nicest sentence in the English language may be: "I'm content."

Economists Baffled As Stock Market Closes Day Sideways

Wall Street analyst: "This is totally going to ruin all our graphs."

Pedophile Priest Tried In Court As White Collar Criminal

Victims want to string a tie around his neck.

Question:

Has anybody seen Dick Cheney lately? Just wondering.

What you did in the bar last night when you got too drunk...

-Told a girl you'd give her a free table dance. Found out she was actually a biker guy with long hair when he picked up the table and threw it at you. -Ate all the food at the free buffet. Found out you actually ate all the bartender's martini olives from his dish when you immediately had to sprint to the bathroom. - While you were in the bathroom, wondered why there were no urinals. So you asked the screaming lady coming out of the stall. -Forgot all your good pickup lines. May have asked pretty girl to come home with you so you could "show her your itchings." -Told a girl with a really big nose that the surgery will look great when the swelling goes down. -Loaned a guy the keys to your car to go get some beer. -Realized the guy may have lied to about the beer because you were already in a bar, but mostly because your car was gone when tried to leave.

TV Listings

Ch. 753 - "When Wealthy Babies Attack" An elite New England town is upended when its infants have a bad reaction to Baby Botox and try to gnaw their parents to death with their gums.

Report: Disney Corporation To Lock Miley Cyrus Behind Bars Until Her 18th Birthday

She'll be allowed out for Disney events only.

Overheard...

In the olden days, ancient Egyptians simply called themselves "Egyptians." (Craig Ferguson, the Late, Late Show)